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Shoshone Speaks: The New Kit

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Is this it? Seriously...year six and this is what crowdsourcing got us?!
Is this it? Seriously...year six and this is what crowdsourcing got us?!

In the light of the news that TFC has yet another new away kit, Waking the Red's resident football fashionista Shoshone Flowers was motivated enough to write this little tidbit...

Well hello there dears!

We're going on season six, and seriously it almost seems like TFC changes uniforms faster than RuPaul changes outfits on a photo shoot -- and of course what did my little eyes see when I turned my iPhone to Waking the Red yesterday morning? That there's yet another kit. My goodness me, you can't believe how much it scared poor Landycakes (my poodle, not this guy) when I spat out my latte at the sight of the news.

Some of you may be saying, "Oh Shoshone (pronounced Show-SHOWN-eh), what's with the shock? It's not like they haven't done this before! Why are you so surprised?"

Well, I dare say that I was. I'm sure that some of us who've watched MLS for a while have seen some truly awful kits come through the pipe -- and while we as supporters will snatch them up like Perez Hilton does on the latest Hollywood gossip (allegedly, but I ain't getting into that cat-fight...been there, done that, got the broken nails to prove it), I'm afraid this one is tres, tres gauche.

The design is based off a winning entry from last year's design contest, which if I recall correctly you couldn't really make all that many changes (a splash of electric teal apparently wasn't high on the list -- I guess we can blame the Seattle Sounders for that.) If the fashion world has taught me anything, some people just aren't cut to design clothing of any sort: just ask Chris Kirkpatrick, David Hasselhoff and Sarah Jessica Parker. And when you ask the public to design your kit, chances are you will end up with a few duds (and I don't mean Milk Duds!)

For one, white and red. I mean, isn't there enough national chest thumping already with the flag on one sleeve? I mean, we KNOW you are based in Canada or the United States -- you don't see Mexican teams or English teams wearing their national flags on their sleeves. Do we really need to be traipsing around the States during the summer looking like a bunch of Captain Canuck wannabes? I think not!

Plus, it also violates one mother of a fashion no-no: did the front office not realize that the schedule does go past Labour Day? And we have a match against the Galaxy in September (if the leaked schedule is to be believed, which I'm going to say it is...but hey, who's counting?) -- we'll be wearing WHITE in CALIFORNIA AFTER LABOUR DAY! Talk about a fashion faux-pas! Mr Blackwell would roll over in his grave.

And think of the laundry costs! I mean, white may look nice...but like the laundromat owner down the street tells me, it is a buggerball of a doozy to clean. All that sliding and slipping on that turf and grass -- ring ring, phone's grass stains calling, will you accept the charges? -- our boys will probably end up looking like walking Tide commercials. I pity those poor, poor equipment managers.

This just brings me back to the point: we've not done particularly well in white anyway: while it may be a lucky colour for some, I can't seem to recall a time where we've won a big game in the current white kit. Perhaps there's something to that thinking -- all the sports guys I've ever dated, they're such a superstitious bunch. But oh, what do I know?

Well, I can talk until I'm blue in the face, but I'm late for my early morning facial.

Until next time, my dear Reds -- stay fabulous! Toodly woodles!!!