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Toronto FC vs New York Red Bulls: Is Anyone Going To This Game?

Who's up for another TFC match? *crickets* With their third game in 8 days the Reds bring their tired legs back home to BMO to face the New York Red Bulls. Who wouldn't be excited by this?

Shh, it's OK. Reinforcements are coming. Really. 3 or 4 of them. Any day now.
Shh, it's OK. Reinforcements are coming. Really. 3 or 4 of them. Any day now.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

It's fun times in TFC Land right now - back-to-back losses, undermanned team, forwards can't finish to save their lives, there's little creativity in the midfield and finding someone to competently play at left back is apparently impossible. Coming to town to (likely) take advantage are the Red Bulls, led by the dangerous duo of Thierry Henry and Tim Cahill - remember him and his two goals in April? Sigh. Expect goals in this one folks, lots and lots of goals - just probably from the wrong Reds.

In lieu of your regularly scheduled preview, we're going to try something a little different. For all the technical, statistical stuff you can check out the always fantastic Know Your Enemy by James. But really after this week of futility do we even care about the little things? Growing apathy throughout the fanbase suggest that tomorrow's match could be rife with banners, booing or just empty seats and silence. And that's about as serious as this preview gets

TFC Choose Your Own Adventure:

One hour before the game Toronto will issue a cryptic press release that states:

  1. Stefan Frei missed the plane in California - while competing reports mention that Dan Kennedy has gone missing.
  2. Richard Eckersley tweaked his hamstring during the post-game interviews and is 'questionable' for the match.
  3. Danny Koevermans is taking his career in another direction and will be 'retiring' to pursue his coaching career - of the local TimBits side.

In the 11th minute the Red Bulls will:

  1. Pull two men off to make it fair, yet still go up one goal.
  2. Run a passing play that sees Tim Cahill score his second goal of the game.
  3. Offer to share their Red Bull with TFC then yell 'psych!' and run away snickering.

In the 27th minute Jeremy Brockie will:

  1. Miss a sitter.
  2. Be standing two feet from the goal and sky it.
  3. Slip on the ball after manoeuvring around Luis Robles and watch the ball trickle past the open net.

At the half reports will filter through the stands that:

  1. Bitchy the Hawk has been returned to the wild for allocation.
  2. The half-time show of "insert corporate sponsor here" mascot racing has been cancelled due to no one willing to take free TFC tickets as payment for dressing up like fools.
  3. Matias Laba has fled the building and was last seen throwing his ESL guide out the window of his cab on his way to the airport.
  4. Toronto FC Academy will be playing the second half.

In the 63rd minute Ryan Nelsen will:

  1. Sub on Andrew Wiedeman for Steven Caldwell - he's tried every other combo, why not?
  2. Suddenly announce he's resuming his playing career and subs himself on for Doneil Henry.
  3. Hand the clipboard to Fran and walk away muttering to himself after the 8th missed goal scoring opportunity.

In the 89th minute the following Red Bulls will have already scored at least one goal:

  1. Tim Cahill (another brace)
  2. Thierry Henry - not a handball, probably. It IS MLS reffing after all
  3. Kevin Hartman - who was a surprise sub for Fabian Espindola in the 77th minute.

At the final whistle the fans will:

  1. Boo the team as they slink off the field
  2. Riot.
  3. What fans? Everyone left after the 4th NY goal was scored; in the 73rd minute.

In all seriousness folks this likely won't be pretty. I'd like to say that our ragtag group of scrappy footballers will come together and show us that they: a) Can actually play for 90 minutes, b) Give a damn and c) Can score goals, but I'm not holding out much if any, hope. Are we willing to accept a well-fought loss? If they really, really try and yet still lose - will that be OK or will only a draw or a win - hey, it could happen *hysterical laughter* - be enough to ease the sting of this past week? Or does anyone really care and are biding their time until the alleged reinforcements arrive? Or are you just plain done with this TFC Adventure? So, see you tomorrow?

*Note: Here's our very own TFC-esque 'Choose Your Own Adventure' cover as done for us by our friend @ignirtoq from The Yorkies.