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MLS wins and losses - week 22

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A look at the week that was in MLS. Nick Rimando and Sigi Schmid reached personal milestones, Eddie Johnson reached new levels of douchiness, and Montreal and the Eastern conference in general just keep on being terrible.

So many celebratory pies.
So many celebratory pies.
Steven Bisig-USA TODAY Sports

This isn't pretending to be a thorough breakdown of everything that happened in MLS last week, for that you should really be checking out James Grossi's week in review each week over at Canadian Soccer News, consistently the best review you'll find out there. This is a much more brief look at the main stories, or just the random things that amuse me. I do this every week for the Vocal Minority Podcast and seeing as how the amount of articles I write these days just seems to keep on shrinking, this seemed like a good way to get some extra stuff out there without having to do extra work, which was appealing, so I'll be publishing this bit of the show here each week as well. Anyway, if you're too lazy to read this, then you can instead listen to it each week when VMP comes out, without the links, but with the added benefit of 3 other smart arses interjecting, adding their humour and taking it into other directions. Anyway, here it is, your MLS wins and losses.

We'll start with wins and Nick Rimando, who got the MLS record 113th clean sheet in 3-0 in over D.C. This was a game much like when TFC went to RSL earlier in the season, it was over very early. In the 28th minute, already 3-0 down, Eddie Johnson fouled Carlos Salcedo then kicked the ball at him as he lay on the ground, which eventually got him a suspension. Johnson's uninspired play throughout the game drew plenty of twiticism and he decided to very publicly reply to some of his critics, including such classic retorts as ‘Lol. I'm not here to please your town buddy.' ‘go root for someone else' ‘hustle? Lol. How about quality, you pricks have no soccer brains' ‘I've played in one world cup, but have you? Lol' and ‘bro don't quit your nine to five, lol'. Excellent work Eddie.

Another big milestone came in Seattle. They beat Houston 2-0 on turf that was even worse than usual due to Amazon having a corporate picnic and a game of broomball on the pitch the day before which meant a lack of time to prepare. That ended Seattle's 2 game losing streak and puts them back at the top of the supporters shield rankings, and was also Sigi Schmid's 200th win, the first coach to reach that mark in MLS. Given that Clint Dempsey was seen trading his jersey for popcorn post game, it's only logical to assume Schmid celebrated by eating all the food in the stadium.

All this talk of MLS records of course brings us to the big news of the week which is MLS all time leading goalscorer Landon Donovan announcing his retirement at the end of the season. His first game after that was against San Jose and though they outshot the quakes 24-3, L.A could only get a 2-2- tie. One Earthquakes goal was scored by Matias Perez Garcia, their new signing from Argentinian side Club Atletico Tigre. I mention that mainly for the purpose of urging you to check out their 2013 Libertadores cup jersey online, it's magnificently hilarious, a great advert for the fact that online contests are a bad idea for this sort of thing. There's a T, presumably for Tigre on the front of the jersey, and it's made by two giant tiger paw scratch marks. Remarkable stuff. Later in the week, San Jose traded Alan Gordon to L.A for allocation money, an intriguing move though Gordon hasn't scored at all this season so may be past his best.

Switching to losers and that'd be the top half of the Eastern Conference, TFC were the only team in a playoff spot to get a point this weekend, which allowed Philadelphia to sneak up into the playoff positions. Under new coach Jim Curtin they're emulating TFC's excessively counter attack style from early season, they had only 32% of the possession, but got a fairly easy 2-1 win over Montreal, and with the addition of Colombian centre back Carlos Valdes, should be able to hang on to that playoff spot.

As for Montreal, that was their 7th straight defeat, though they did get a midweek win over C.D. Fas in the CCL, which is nice for them. That leaves them only 3 away from tying the all time MLS record of 10 straight defeats, though fortunately for them their next game is against Chicago, so that'll probably be a tie, through the Fire did get a win this week to take them up to just 2 points away from a playoff spot. They've now only conceded once in 3 games since moving the world's unlikeliest sounding redhead Jeff Larentowicz back from midfield into the defence.

We'll finish off by going back to Montreal, and here's their new DP player Ignacio Piatti on his short term ambitions - My objective is to go to Canada, make a good impression, and then see if there's possibilities in the States. I'd like to play in New York or Miami". Lovely.