The first half was as solid a road display as anyone could hope for, especially at Red Bull Arena... the commercial showing where the old BMO Field turf was replanted... Jacob “Sprinty” Shaffelburg giving New York’s right-back fits throughout the first half... Jozy Altidore’s side-footed, cross-field pass to “Sprinty” in the 14th minute... Omar Gonzalez’s head (but see “bad”, below)... Altidore’s chip in the 20th (I’m still not convinced that Jozy was offside)... the four pass sequence that led to Sprinty’s chance in the 44th (great save by Luis Robles)... Quentin Westberg’s save in the 63rd on Brian White. Nice to see a ’keeper commit to a decision and execute... Michael Bradley’s defensive stop on Kaku. But, where were the four defenders?... Westberg’s save in the 73rd minute on Daniel Royer. But, again, where were the four defenders? (Theme developing)... Kemar Lawrence’s smile belongs on a Colgate commercial... seven teams make the playoffs this year. Yay for mediocrity!
Toronto’s only real offensive aerial threat is a defender... Auro (definitely not the aerial threat mentioned above) and company being caught out of position, repeatedly (Theme developing)... Kelcey Brade telling us about the “sharts” in the first half. Don’t know about that. But, I do know that Toronto really stunk it up in the second half... the incessant trumpet ode to Supertramp. It wasn’t “practical” or “logical”. In fact, to “such a simple man” as me, it just “sounded absurd”... speaking of sounding absurd, Steven Caldwell ‘The Obvious’ (part 1): “If I’m Greg Vanney, I’m really disappointed that (TFC) didn’t hit the score sheet”... no call when Rece Buckmaster fouled Shaffelburg early in the second half. ‘Bucky’ darn-near tore off Sprinty’s beautiful blue boots... the fact that I just said “darn-near”... Caldwell ‘The Obvious’ (part 2): “That (the missed penalty) was an awful moment for Daniel Royer”... Nicolas Benezet and Alejandro Pozuelo playing wayyyy too close to each other... Morrow’s lazy tug on BWP. Why was Justin so far removed from his left-back position? Where were the central defenders? (Theme continuing)... Westberg’s pathetic punch that resulted in New York’s second goal. So much for the ’keeper committing to a decision and executing... Caldwell ‘The Obvious’ (part 3): “TFC were missing impetus in their attack (in the second half)...and will be ruing missed opportunities in this match”. When was the last time anyone celebrated missed opportunities?
NYRB have a player like Bradley Wright-Phillips to come off the bench. Toronto FC does not. There’s no more money left to spend and the transfer window is shut. It’s all resting on Jozy’s delicate tootsies. Oh no!... the backs of the Red Bulls’ jerseys. The three fashionistas in our home think that New York’s shirts were salvaged from a Liga MX reject pile. I agree... Jonathan Osorio’s inability to add any value at this stage. Maybe he can start his personal 2019 highlight reel during the Canadian Championship... the ground-hugging red smoke. Cue the World War 1 flashbacks... like a drunk uncle at a family reunion, it’s now time for some really ugly impressions: 1) Royer’s impersonation of Bobby Baggio; 2) Poz’s impersonation of Mason Crosby. That moon-ball in the 30th minute wouldn’t have scored a point on an Aussie Rules pitch; 3) Osorio’s attempt to mimic Laurent Ciman at the end of the first half with that hilarious phantom slide tackle... weaker than weak defending on Mavinga’s Own Goal. Three of TFC’s four “defenders” were at fault on that one. This time, we all know where they were, we just don’t know what they were doing. Come to think of it, neither do they. (Theme completed)... the excuses may already be starting. Coach Vanney referenced the upcoming “five games in fifteen days” during his post-match media scrum. Cue the world’s tiniest violin... only two reporters at Vanney’s post-match chat. No “scrum lurkers” for Jay and Dan on this night.