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Scouting Report: TFC announce signing of American Ale Gator

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Meet Toronto FC’s newest short-term signing!

The Canadian Press

TORONTO, Canada—Toronto FC have found their newest member of the team, and the club is sticking with a proven player profile in new addition Ale Gator.

Sebastian Giovinco, TFC’s all-time leading goalscorer, stands at 5-foot-3. Yeferson Soteldo, the newest designated player singing, stands at 5-foot-2. The club has not wavered when it comes to height, and their newest signing, and Ale Gator, is a prime example of that, clocking in at around a foot tall.

However, Gator offers versatility when it comes to taking up space on the field, with a length of roughly 12 feet. “That thing is big man, big,” said veteran TFC defender Eriq Zavaleta in a video. With Gator’s versatility, he will be relied on in many areas of the pitch. “They’re fast like it’s long legs,” said goalkeeper Alex Bono.

Looking at the profile of Gator, he is perfectly built for a physical league like MLS. With Soteldo and Alejandro Pozuelo not scaring anyone with their stature, having Gator hold off defenders while the other two focus on the ball could be a fruitful tactic.

To get him into the club, TFC took advantage of the latest MLS salary cap rule, “Gator Allocation Money,” or GAM. The magical thing about GAM is that it has no impact on the salary cap, meaning TFC can play Gator in any situation.

Gator, who comes from a species that made it through the Cretaceous Period, is the oldest player on TFC’s roster. He also counts as a domestic player, allowing TFC more flexibility to add internationals.

One such addition could be Irish winger Croc O’Dile, who is a solid prospect, known to run a bit faster than Gator, topping out at around 30KPH. Sources do not tell Waking the Red that Ali Curtis and co. are in on O’Dile.

While the highlight tape was shaky, it appears the near 800lb Gator has the ability to hold onto the ball, and based on his new teammate’s responses, no defender will approach him. Gator will not have any problems with any attackers, as the thick-skinned, cold-blooded defender is ready to pounce on anything that comes near him.

“There’s going to be a lot of disciplinary hearings, we are sending him a Zoom link that auto-renews every week, as we are sure he will be a regular,” a representative from the MLS Disciplinary Committee did not say.

If Gator manages to stay away from the Disciplinary Committee, he will be right at home in MLS. With clubs represented by animals such as loons, flamingos, eagles, and snacks, Gator will be walking right up to the buffet to feast on common prey. Traditionally, Ale Gator sticks with small animals and birds, making MLS a perfect meal.

“*indistinguishable alligator sounds*,” Gator said in his introductory press conference when asked about what he brings to Toronto’s lineup.

With TFC still reeling with injuries, Gator could see the field in Concacaf Champions League action on Tuesday against Cruz Azul. “Those things don’t end well when you **** around too much,” head coach Chris Armas said about Gator.

Shorter players have found success in Toronto’s lineup over the years, and Gator could be the latest to fit that profile.

All stats from Smithsonian’s National Zoo