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Portland Timbers 2-0 Toronto FC: The good, the bad & the ugly

Wow, that really sucked!

MLS: Toronto FC at Portland Timbers Troy Wayrynen-USA TODAY Sports

The Good

I have nothing, absolutely nothing... wait, there is one thing — at least that steaming pile of trash wasn’t delivered on the sand at BMO Field.

The Bad

Again, not a lot to insert here, other than the fact that I lost two hours of much needed sleep — the same sleep that I hope Sebastian Giovinco, Victor Vazquez, Jonathan Osorio, Gregory van der Wiel and Drew Moor enjoyed. (Yah, we really had a chance...)

MLS: Toronto FC at Portland Timbers Troy Wayrynen-USA TODAY Sports

The Ugly

Not sure where to start. Too many thoughts. Head is hurting... Jay Chapman at right wing-back... head still spinning... Michael Bradley at centre-back. Didn’t we already conclude that touching the hot stove is bad? Why are we doing it again?... need a Tylenol... thinking that Liam Fraser can play defensive midfield for 90 consecutive minutes... Jon Bakero as the Number 10. What? Where is Ager Aketxe?... Eriq Zavaleta on the bench while Justin Morrow played left centre-back and Ryan Telfer played left wing-back... Tylenol just ain’t cutting it... Clint Irwin’s mustache. It’s always good to distract the opposition with laughter... throwing a game away at this stage of the season... Jozy Altidore should have stayed in bed as well... throbbing headache feels like it will never end... where is Mitch Taintor?... actually putting all our eggs in the “we can beat LAFC” basket. Doesn’t Greg Vanney watch out-of-market MLS games? Does he need a DAZN subscription?... the way they want us to pronounce “DAZN” (da zone). Really? Like “da Bears”? Is this a Vic Rauter owned company?... time for a brief rest. Please enjoy this picture while I bash my head against a tree...

MLS: Toronto FC at Portland Timbers Troy Wayrynen-USA TODAY Sports

...okay. I’m back. My head actually feels better. Perhaps Vanney should try it. I know where he can get travel-sized pieces to take on the road with him... where was Justin Morrow on Portland’s first goal?... Portland-area McDonald’s offers a free breakfast sandwich on Timbers matchdays. Note to the Golden Arches: Torontonians eat breakfast too... Michael Bradley met his recently established quota: one major, mind-shattering giveaway per match... Steven Caldwell’s continued ‘Liam love-fest’. He and Luke Wileman spent over three minutes preaching the gospel according to Fraser... Marky Delgado’s body check on Diego Chara. Desperate times, I guess... watching Altidore walk around the pitch all game long... Marky Delgado’s trip on Diego Chara. Marky should have been sent off. Weren’t we going to be more disciplined?... I just noticed that my head is bleeding... Nick Hagglund and Ashtone Morgan’s choreographed ‘Benny Hill chase’ of Lucas Melano... maybe the woman on the BMO commercial really is named “Wondy”... Justin Morrow’s almost Own Goal... Liam Fraser tied his own shoelaces. I’m surprised that TSN didn’t give him “Man of the Match” for that... Chara’s goal celebration. A little originality would be nice... Carlos Vela, Diego Rossi, Marco Urena and Christian Ramirez are coming to town. Time to find that tree again.